Explain this to me please.....

Even though I am married, have a huge number of siblings, 10 nieces and nephews, two jobs, six cats, one dog and a number of really good friends and neighbors I am incredibly lonely.

I wonder how I can sit amongst the chaos that is around me and feel so incredibly alone. I go out and talk with friends, sit with my husband and work an ungodly number of hours each week and yet I feel so alone. Is there no one for me to connect with?

I have visions of standing at the foot of the ocean screaming all of my thoughts at the top of my lungs. Would this make the loneliness go away? Would this release the anxity and fear that consume me?

I just wish I wasn't so lonely....

Moving Offices

Just about every six months the powers that be at my company decide they have a better idea of where I should sit. Yes, one of the two CEO's at my company likes to work on the seating plan. I know, it seems so crazy.

Well, he has decided I need to go in the office affectionately know as the "Fishbowl". It is called the "Fishbowl" because it has windows on two sides; the front and back of the office. Now, it is a very nice office. It has great light and sunshine abounds, but there is one small problem. The "Fishbowl" is about 1/4 of the size of my current office.

I am HR. I have many huge filing cabinets. I can only take one into the "Fishbowl". I have no way to consolidate. My extra filing cabinets will need to be moved to a hallway. It will be so convenient.

Also, the "Fishbowl" may not be the best place for difficult conversations. Hey Johnny, come on in the "Fishbowl" and let everyone in the office watch as you get fired, disciplined, spoken to, cry about your life, etc. Maybe not the best place.

But, despite all of the inconvenience it will make my bosses life easier and I will finally get some natural light, so I guess I can't complain too much.

Random Thoughts

1 - They killed off Captain America. I am no comic book fan, but this just seems wrong.

2 - It is so cold here this week. I'm not sure I will ever get warm.

3 - Why doesn't a certain person return my e-mail?

4 - My beloved is so cranky lately. Will we be able to make it through the next 7 weeks of school? And what will happen after that? Will he hold it together long enough to keep this job?

5 - I was looking at my marriage license today. I remember that day so clearly. We were so happy and full of hope and excitement. When did the reality of life overtake us?

6 - My Jets did something good this week. It is tough being a Jets fan in Patriots land.

Insomnia

I suffer from insomnia. It sucks. I can not turn my brain off and I lay in bed for hours willing myself to sleep. One would think that with the amount of hours I work I would just come home and fall right asleep, but I don't and I can't. Add any amount of stress to my day and I know I am headed for a sleepless night.

My beloved on the other hand can fall asleep on the way to the grocery store. Wouldn't it be nice. He feels awful when I can not sleep and is the first to offer up a nap. A Nap - I can't take those either. So now I have the stress of not sleeping and the inability to take a nap.

He tells me to read a book. I love books and when not working two jobs I can read a book a day. Does not work. I stay awake to finish the book.

How about a warm shower. Does not work either because then my hair gets wet and I can not handle wet hair. - I know I am such a pain in the A$$.

Hot tea? That does not work either.

Run on the treadmill.... Nope.

I have tried everything. I just want to sleep. I sit here in my office and I could fall asleep at any moment, but the minute I go home - bam...wide awake.

For now I'll just hope that the sleep comes soon.

My Lead Foot

They said it would happen...I refused to beleive them.....but, it happened..... my first speeding ticket.

Yes that was me pulled over on the side of a major highway last night. The State Trooper was not in a very good mood....

I was on a major highway. I was in the slow lane. Typically the slow lane does about 80mph. The posted speed limit is 65mph. The Trooper claims I "Blew by her" at 85 MPH, ummmm I think not.

First of all, I was in the slow lane and I was blowing by no one. Secondly, while I will admit to doing 80, I was not doing 85, Third, $200 what the hell for? Who gets this friggin money?

Let me set the scene..... Blue lights come on, I pull over, The trooper comes to my passenger window and asks for my license and registration. She accuses me of not wearing a seatbelt. I tell her I needed to undo my seatbelt to reach the glove compartment (I am only 5 feet tall). She asks for my license. I tell her it is in the trunk of my car. She goes ballistic.

SIDE NOTE - Hey jerky, my wallet is in my trunk because I work two jobs and I cannot take my purse into my second job. I can't leave my purse in the car either because my co worker had his window smashed out two days ago - hence why I store it in my trunk. If you took a moment to ask me you would have understood why it was in the trunk.

She takes my registration back to her car. I wait and I wait. I have a clean record, what could she be doing back there? She finally comes back and lets me know that she could have given me a ticket for no seatbelt (Duh, I was wearing it) and no license (duh, it was in the trunk), but she is just giving me a citation for speed. Oh, and I should be careful pulling back into traffic.

No Shit, they are doing 80 in the slow lane!

One good thing - I can pay online so my husband can frame this ticket for all to see.

Bad Managers

So, I look at the schedule of my "Other" job and see that I am closing with the one manager I cannot stand. I mean I really do not like her. She is the most ineffective manager I have ever encountered in my years of working and I have had some bad managers. I have let the General Manager and his Assistant Manager know that I think she is the worst and what do they do.....they schedule us to close together.

She and I..... alone......closing the store....I think not. I did what any respectable employee would do. I called in sick.

Broken Hearts

How many times can your heart be broken before it can no longer be repaired?

Can one survive with a broken heart?